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Owning Where You Are

Who runs your life? Do you own your life or does it seem to own you? Do you own your career or does it own you? Do you choose the hours with your family, the number of hours you work and spend on your hobbies or does your life run you? Until we ask the questions and answer them beyond the superficial, it is difficult to have perspective on life and enjoy it to the fullest.

Let’s take a look at some symptoms of non-ownership. See if you have heard these kinds of responses from family, friends, and co-workers.

“I didn’t have a choice.”
“They made me do it.”
“Everyone else does it.”
“It’s (insert name of choice) fault…”
“It’s something we just have to do.”

There are many variations of course. Listen to every excuse for not doing something. Listen closely. What they are saying is “I don’t own it. It’s someone else’s fault.” Though there are times this is indeed true, these types of responses and comments are overused, often untrue and also signal – non-responsibility.

Another barometer for life ownership is evaluating whether you are doing things to “keep up with the Joneses”. How many activities, gadgets and commitments are due to external pressures you give into? To test if you are keeping up with the Joneses, remove the external comparison source. Now, would you still have or do those things?

Remember, the words “have to” or “must” indicates a lack of choice or that there is a consequence to not complying. Everyone has heard that we “have to” pay taxes. That is not true. We know of people who don’t. We’ve read about many of them in the newspapers. (Those we don’t read about enjoy taking the risk.) So, owning it, is about making choices and accepting responsibility for the outcomes or affects.

We are the sum of all decisions we have made in our lives. Jobs applied for, jobs you accepted, hobbies, people you hired, where you live, significant others, friends you hang around, diets, exercise, schooling; are all a result of choices we’ve made. When our lives seem out of control or boring or unfulfilling it is the result of all our decisions. In each of these cases, it means it’s time to make different choices or accept the consequences.

Thoughtful decision making is key to a fulfilling life. Jumping at an opportunity which may pass by may be a key to success. On the other hand, it may be one more grasping-at-straws attempt to “make it”. Some people have a pattern of passing on opportunities or waiting too long to make a move and lose out in the long run. Others suffer from jumping from opportunity to opportunity (job to job) without sufficient thought.

Evaluating your decision-making history is the first step in making better decisions for your future.Are you pleased with where you are in life? Are you pleased with your decisions? Are your choices getting you the results you want?Making new choices – going in new directions - is not easy. We are creatures of habit. (Why else would we have continued to make these same choices?) Individual and organizational decision making and analyzing how you can benefit from past decisions (versus burdened by them) are areas a personal coach can help you.


Viewing life from a new perspective is not always easy. Often it requires a coach to help to restructure, refocus and reframe experiences. If you could benefit by having someone in your corner, contact us.

If you would like to have a specific topic addressed, just drop me an email. Thanks to all of you who offer ideas and feedback on newsletters.

dmhebert@mindsetforperformance.com

480-491-3506